Now to implement the plan. Only problem is, the plan is a jumbled mess in my head, and I feel like I have no time to do anything but think about the jumbled mess in my head! I'd like to take a 3 month sabbatical from my life if that would be ok with everyone. I'd like to take a walking journey around Europe, find some spiritually charged places, and learn to mellow out and create some space in my head where I can hear my thoughts. That's not too much to ask, is it?
But I can't. Work, life, and everything else is taking up my time. I feel breathless with anxiety over all this! In trying to become a bit more coherent in my head, I've decided to try and read a few books on calming down and finding myself--examining myself. I don't like to think too much about my "real" feelings, so they just sit in the back, giving me a gut ache and making me eat when I don't need to--a bit of emotional eating, perhaps?
It's about embracing who you are, and getting rid of those feelings about who you think you should be. I've given a copy to my sister, and we plan on reading it and talking about it over chinese food at some later date. Ms. Brown also has another book that's just out, called Daring Greatly. She's been at the TED conference as a speaker, and I believe you can YouTube her speeches. I will be checking them out soon.
So I am starting somewhere. I am exploring who I want to be, and stopping the merry-go-round and the I'm-just-fine-go-round. I'll be talking about this a lot in the next few weeks, so beware! My birthday is next month, and I feel that it's a great opportunity to stop, check in, and work on myself. Quite frankly, I'm pooped from the anxiety, whether I understand that it's a regular occurrence or not. My guts are manifesting that icky feeling. I guess I'm looking for my happy place. It's somewhere, I just don't know where--or how it should manifest itself in my life.
Hold onto your hats! I'm going on a journey of exploration of all things touchy feely for me. This includes meditation, great music to chill out to, and learning how to follow my intuition--heck--I'd like to find my intuition. A year of feeling caught up in chaos has taken it's toll on me--now it's time to find some clarity. I'm going to unplug that phone, shut off the computer, and do some writing. It may all be nonsense, but I'm a nonsensical kind of gal, and I think out of all that, some gem will pop out. 2013 is the Year of Sue!