When Motivation Just Isn't There...

How is it that when I'm in the depths of being super busy and stressed, and feeling overwhelmed, I manage to get a lot of stuff ticked off my list? But when I slow down, and have plenty of time, I get super behind because my motivation just collapses? You'd think having less stress and more time would make me feel like I could tick so many things off my to do list. 

Nope. This doesn't work for me, as I'm discovering lately. I have days, even whole weeks, where I don't have any commitments, other than going to work. Weekends evenings are for Bud, but other than that I really don't have to be anywhere or attend any events. At first, this feels great! I get a breather! I don't have to feel rushed all the time. I get to read more. Tackle all those cleaning projects I've gotten behind on and now I've got the time. 

Except I don't do any of those things. I dink around on my computer, watch tv shows I don't really care about, and waste a lot of time. Last weekend I had a whole weekend where I just had one place I had to be, for a few hours. Okay. That left me with a lot of time to mow, clean the house, run some errands, and yes, even have time to dive into my reading list. I ended up just reading most of the weekend. No mowing when I should have, no house cleaning. So on Sunday night, I found myself happy I'd managed to finish 3 books, but still looking at an unmowed yard (which now looks bad thanks to the recent rain!) and a messy house. Frustrated and annoyed at myself for not getting my ass in gear and accomplishing something, anything, over the weekend. Pile the guilt on even more, when I know Bud worked at his projects all weekend. 

I'm still trying to find that middle ground. For so many years, I was so busy. Now not so much. I could make myself busy, seeing friends, going places, creating projects around the house.  But I don't want to be busy just to be busy. Busy should have a purpose. 

I've known for years that too much time is not my friend. In school, too much time to write a paper didn't spark that creativity-it was the hammer time that got the juices flowing, and ideas moving along. That's the fun of NaNoWriMo (you have 30 days to write a 50,000 word novel); you have to consistently work every day to put in the words or you get so far behind it's a bitch to catch up. Having friends over usually makes me clean in a frenzy the day before, even when I know a week ahead of time it's coming up. A deadline for reading a book usually has me dropping everything to meet that deadline. 

I'm in the middle of a motivation slump. How do you keep yourself moving, when sometimes all you want to do is just sit and do nothing? 

via GIPHY

CrossFit Journey, Part 2

My few days turned into weeks before getting back to this post! Yikes! 

So, back to May 2016. I finally had a job where I wasn't working nights, so I could actually join FitKamp at my local Crossfit gym. To say I was terrified is putting it lightly. But I felt that this just might be the one thing that helped me on my journey to being fit. 

My first workout? I was the only one in the class of about 20 people who couldn't finish it. As in, I had to stop, sit down, and try really hard not to pass out and throw up all at once. My heart rate jumped so high, so fast, that I just couldn't cope. I felt like a total loser. This still happens every once in a while, but I pay attention to it, and slow the hell down. It happens most especially on the assault bike, which kicks your cardio into high gear in a very short amount of time. 

But I kept going back, three nights a week for 6 weeks. The food, I really struggled with that. We weren't on a diet--more of paying attention to what we ate, making sure we drank so many ounces of water a day; eating a lot more veggies, lean protein, and good carbs. It's called clean eating, which has many variations, depending on how strict you want to be with yourself. 

Because of Crossfit, I actually eat so many more vegetables that I ever did in my entire life. I hated veggies as a kid--we ate mostly canned or frozen, and I loathed them all. To this day, I don't buy any canned veggies, and very little frozen. I buy fresh because they just taste better. I learned that eating a salad wasn't always the best option, if you loaded your salad with fatty dressings and lots of croutons, cheese, dried fruit, all that stuff. My favorite salad is now pretty simple: arugula, a sprinkle of salt & pepper, and a dash of a flavorful olive oil. 

I made some good strides that first FitKamp-I lost fat and gained muscle. Enough to have me sign up two more times for FitKamp, even though I could have just joined the gym and started on my journey. But my fear kept me in FitKamp longer than it should have, and even my coaches said I was ready to move on into a regular CrossFit class. I was still intimidated, and afraid of failure. I stopped myself and I've learned from that episode that sometimes you just have to take a leap. 

I've been with Crossfit for three years. I usually aim for 3-4 classes a week, and after a year of trying to achieve some of the more ambitious moves: strict pull ups, handstands against the wall, box jumps--well, I've learned to love what I can do, and understand the limits my body has and be okay with that. I don't look at others and compare myself; I remind myself that I'm working out with folks who are anywhere from 10-20 years younger than myself. I'm proud of the gains I've made in strength, but not so proud of my continual struggle with eating right. I still need to lose a good chunk of weight. That weight is the result of years of eating my emotions and making bad food choices when I could have made better food choices. As they say, you can't outrun a bad diet. You can workout all you want, but until you dial in your food and eat healthy, you're missing a huge part of the puzzle. 

One gift Crossfit has given me: courage. Everyday I walk into that gym, I'm still nervous. I don't look at the workout before, so I have to do whatever it is! I've actually done a few competitions which absolutely terrified me so much that I was shaking. But I did them. I'll never be the fittest person around, and that's okay with me. I'm stronger than I've ever been in my life, and I know I can keep adding muscle, which is so vitally important to women as they age. I'm battling hormones, aging, and the fact that I have to work twice as hard to see results I would have seen much quicker if I was 20 years younger. 

I get a lot of satisfaction out of working out early in the morning. It gives me a feeling of accomplishment--I've already done something that day, so no matter what else happens, I feel good about that. Every week it can be hard to get up and get to the gym, but I keep telling myself to take it one day at a time. I look ahead at my week and try to plan out what days I'll workout. If I get to bed too late, or I wake up and I'm just dead tired, I give myself the grace to rest and workout another day. 

So that's my Crossfit journey. I may someday put down the barbell, and move onto something that works for me as I move into my 60's. All I know is for now, this makes me happy.

Working Out: Why I Started CrossFit at 49 and Lived to Tell the Tale

For most of my life, I didn't work out. That means from infancy through my mid-30's, I didn't do any kind of purposeful exercise, except the kind I had to do in school. And for the most part, it all worked pretty well for me. I was blessed to inherit some good genes from my parents, and myself and my siblings were always skinny. Skinny for me meant slender but not overly slender; I had what someone once described as "chicken legs". I could eat what I wanted without a care in the world. It also helped that my parents weren't flush with money, so we didn't eat out, didn't have much junk food, and I don't think I drank much pop at all until my mid to late teens. It helped that the proliferation of crap food we have today didn't really exist much when I was growing up. 

All that: genes, the era in which I grew up, and my parents lack of money for "fun stuff" all helped me stay thin. But I did, of course, also suffer from feeling fat; after all, my sisters were all smaller than I was--95 pounds to my gigantic 105. I look back now and shudder at how dumb I was ever thinking less of myself. 

In my mid-30's I started running, mostly because I was tired of walking and I wanted to move faster. That lead to running races, and winning a free year's membership to the local YMCA. That started me on the path of having a personal coach help me with the machines and getting some muscle. But I didn't get very much muscle, actually. I went to the YMCA for about 7 years, all the while running on the side. I wasn't a fast runner, but I did all sorts of races, and actually challenged myself to complete a marathon when I was 42. It took me 5 1/2 hours, but I did it. The last big race I ran was a half-marathon in Savannah, Georgia in 2011. I trained hard and ran my best race. I was pretty proud of myself. All that running helped me lose some weight, because by then my metabolism had slowed down, and I was gaining weight. The weight creep--every year, another 5 pounds or so, until I was about 30 heavier.  Eek! 

Flash forward to 2016. By now, I'm 49...turning 50 in November. It's the summer. I've got a new job, regular hours, and I'm finally able to do something I've wanted to do for a few years: try CrossFit. Why CrossFit? Mostly because my niece and nephew had joined a CrossFit box in their city and had amazing results, and said how much they loved it. I had quit the YMCA- I needed something that had someone there to push me, help me, and encourage me. I didn't find that in random classes at the YMCA, and I always felt a bit lonely and unhappy by myself at the gym. 

In May of 2016, I got up the courage to sign up for a 6 week FitKamp. I was about to get my ass handed to me on a plate...

I'll continue this story in a few days!  Stay tuned...

In the meantime, tell me what your fitness journey has been-or if you've never even had one! Everyone is different, and everyone finds what works for them. Walking, biking, running, weight lifting, yoga. What works for you?

via GIPHY

We Skipped Spring and Went Directly to Summer

I've lived in my little house for 18 years. I can't believe it. I bought it in May of 2001, thinking it would be the place I lived for the rest of my life. 

2019, I'm still here, but I know it won't be the place I spend the rest of my life. Bud and I will have our own place (or a few places) and we've been discussing our wish list for some time. It's a given I'll have a large kitchen, a big island with a sink, and plenty of spaces for folks to gather. Of course, we'll have a bar. Just goes to show you're never too old to dream about your perfect home. 

For now, my little home is still my favorite place to be. Years ago, I had a blank slate in my back yard. It just had a big tree next to the neighbor's fence, and nothing else. Over the years, I worked hard, putting in flower beds, lots of hostas, rocks...and it looked so beautiful for years. 

But times have changed; I'm busier and I just don't have the energy or drive to keep up big flower beds. We've taken out the largest bed and it will now revert to lawn. But that side bed...the one next to the fence--it needed an update. Bud built me a beautiful deck a few years ago, and it sits right next to that long, narrow bed. Sit on the deck, and see that fence and the hostas. Try and mow between the deck and the hostas and there's not much room. Last weekend we dug up a HUGE hosta (it started from one leaf all those years ago! One leaf!) and I rearranged the brick border, brought it in closer to the fence, so I can get my mower through. It's all Bud's idea...but once he talked about it, I saw the wisdom of a little makeover. It was also a chance to dig up the bricks and reset them. I found bricks in spots I had completely forgotten about. 

The makeover started like this:

Then, I had to shop for flowers:

Flowers are my weakness. Even having just a small space, they still managed to add up quickly! 

After all my running around yesterday, I was sweaty, tired, crabby, and swatting gnats. But I got a start:

It's a small change, and most of the side garden has stayed the same. Bud suggested annuals in the one clear space I have, so I planted purple petunias. I added the fun flowers on the fence after my plan to hang potted flowers literally fell through. I hung all five little pots, turned around, and they all fell off the fence. 

I've still got a lot to do to a few other spots: the front yard and my little side garden next to the house. I've run out of energy, however. The late start to flower planting has left me less than enthused. Stay tuned as I watch my little garden flourish! 

I'M BAAAAACK: It Took Four Years, But Here I Am

Life decisions can turn on a dime. Or in my case, laundry. 

Today is a beautiful day: sunshine, slight breeze, and birds are chirping. It's perfect. A day to hang laundry outside. As a kid, I absolutely despised hanging up laundry, and most of all, taking it down. But we all know that as adults sometimes we realize stuff we disliked as kids turns out to be alright. Hanging laundry outside is one of them. It also helps that I'm only hanging up laundry for one person; as a kid, well, there were so many of us! It truly was a chore. 

I sent a photo to Bud of my laundry hanging outside, mostly to thank him for stringing up new clothes lines so I could actually hang laundry outside. There's something very satisfying about laundry blowing in the breeze; somehow it anchors me to my house and my yard in a very good way.

This all leads me to a moment very soon after pegging my last sock on the line, when I was thinking about this blog, and how long it had been since I'd posted or even though about it. I realized the simple act of hanging laundry gave me the answer to begin again with my blog. 

I have no idea what I'll post; mostly musings and odd little happenings. Successful recipes and cocktails. Mostly life as a fifty-something. So I hope you'll join me in my journey. And if you get a chance, invest in some clothesline for your backyard, and hang some sheets and towels out to dry. It may inspire you, too. 

Sue

Photo courtesy of: Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay 

Catching Up Since Christmas....

So, this happened in May:

Two years of hard work, very little sleep, and not seeing much of Bud!  I'm still trying to relax a bit, and just "work" full-time.  Life has been very hectic so far this summer.  My plan to de-clutter my house hasn't happened just yet, but I guess there's still July and August, right?  And my itch for school is done for awhile....unless I decide I need another MA or even perhaps a PhD?! 

I'm going to try and keep posting to this blog, now that I have some time.  Once again, stories of life, food, flowers, and stuff I want to share. In the meantime, Hello everyone!  Glad to be back.  I'm still working on healing my left foot and the plantar fasciitis that has plagued me for two years.  Now I'm visiting a chiropractor and so far one week in and a few adjustments have meant that I've been able to have days where my foot doesn't hurt at all.  Downright amazing.  There's hope for me getting back into some running, even though I'll never probably be super serious about it.  I do miss running early in the mornings in the summer.  The best time time to run, in my opinion. 

Stay tuned, and I'll be bringing you more stuff from the great Midwest!  

Happy Summer everyone :)
  

Hello! I'm Back! 2014 in Review

I have missed writing this blog so much in the past year.  My book blog, The Bookalicious Babe has taken off and I'm so happy about that!  So many good things happened in 2014 because of that blog that I can't imagine what 2015 has in store for me. 

Another year is coming to a close, and what a whirlwind it has been for me.  It is certainly true that the older you get, the faster time flies.  It seems like I just started school yesterday, and now I'm entering my last semester.  I am counting down the days until May, when I will graduate with my MLIS (Masters in Library and Information Science).  I have learned so much--most importantly, that I don't know so much and there's always room for more knowledge in my life.  

School and work have taken up so much of my time that I tried and failed at CrossFit this past summer.  My plantar fasciitis is still very painful and has pretty much hobbled me this year.  Weeks of physical therapy didn't help much at all.  It is frustrating.  I am hopeful I will be able to start running this Spring again.  It was such a stress reliever (and sometimes gave me stress) and I desperately need it back in my life.  Bike riding and running for fun are two top priorities for me in 2015.  Maybe, just maybe, I will have time this summer to try CrossFit again.  Fingers crossed.

My honorary Auntie status has awarded me with a wonderful little picture that I am going to hang up in my study room at home.  It will remind me that there is a pot of gold at the end of this long haul, and that this year will be full of new beginnings, sunshine, and rainbows.  I feel like I am finally coming out of a dark tunnel and my soul is finding some peace.  But first, I have to finish those last 6 miles of this marathon I'm on, so I will be attending to this blog more often to chronicle my triumphs and crash-n-burns this year.  I hope you join me!

 

A Summer of No School and CrossFit Beginnings

It seems like I just finished my last final for school and now it's almost July.  June has flown by; I think trying to catch up with everything I neglected over the school year kept me from relaxing and enjoying 40 hour work weeks instead of the 60 hours I was managing with work and school.   

It also gave me a chance to look at myself closely, which is not something I care to do much at all.  The stress of school, work, and life the past two years has added more weight to my body and has stopped me from running.  I look and feel horrible.  Grief=weight gain for me.  I stuff my face and just want to sit and read books all the time.  My grief has eased, and now it's time to challenge myself and learn to be stronger and healthier.  

CrossFit was my answer.  My niece and nephew both do CrossFit where they live, and absolutely love it.  I've seen for myself how much weight both have lost and how much strength they've attained.  They are healthier and happier and full of energy.  It shows in their faces and attitudes.  

So I joined CrossFit a few weeks ago.  Went to the three classes that show how to properly do the basic moves.  Talked about what to eat--basically lean meats, veggies, and no "white stuff".  Some fruits (mainly berries) and lots of water.  You can go super hard and do Paleo, but I find that too restrictive and a recipe for disaster for me.  I've chosen to try the Primal way, but I just can't find it in me to be hard core about it.  I've been avoiding bread, pasta, rice, and potatoes; eating more meat, eggs, and greek yogurt, and eating lots of berries. Eating a lot of spinach, olives, and other veggies.  The Primal even lets you have red wine.  I haven't been super strict, but I think about what I'm eating.  I have noticed I don't crave the sweet stuff like I did, and if I do eat any "white stuff" I don't feel good and it doesn't sit well.  The tough part is finding something to eat for lunch every day.  I have to take lunch to work; having a cafe in my bookstore just leads to bad eating choices when I don't have a lunch ready and waiting for me in the fridge.  

Bud has been very patient and willing to eat whatever I make for supper.  Mostly we've stuck to grilled meats and grilled veggies.  No desserts.  

And Crossfit?  I've set a goal to go 3 times a week.  This is my second week; I can honestly say I am the weak kitten in the 5:30 AM class.  I am astounded at just how out of shape I am.  But everyone there is encouraging and the coaches say "do what you can" and take as many breaks as I need to.  A few short term goals I've set for myself:  do a proper push-up!  And get my tush down low when I do squats.  My mobility is terrible, but I've already seen a bit of an improvement just after a few weeks.  Starting at the bottom means I can only improve and that's what I'm looking forward to in the next months.  By the time school starts in August, I hope I've improved my endurance and strength. I'll need them to keep myself together and moving forward over the next semester.  

What are you doing to stay fit?  Have you tried CrossFit?  

One Year of Grad School Behind Me, Summer in Front of Me

It's been awhile since I've posted.  My life has been a never ending swirl of books, homework, and work.  But I'm happy to say I took my last final of the year last night and now I'm free for a few months.  This will take some time to understand; I've already woken up this morning thinking I have homework to do.  Nope!  The summer months stretch out before me….with lots of work.

I've neglected my little house something terrible these past 9 months.  A major de-trashing is required.  Planting flowers, making limoncello, sorting through clothes, getting outside and running again….all those are to-do's for me.  No rest for the weary.  I wrote a paper on urban beekeeping this year, and now I'm all big on bees.  My flower planting will be big!  I want those bees in my yard.  

My other blog, Bookalicious Babe has kept me extremely busy.  And I was so grateful to be interviewed for Publisher's Weekly last week.  School kept my reading for pleasure (and to keep me sane) at an all-time low, so I'm gearing up to do a major reading marathon in the next few months.  

And I can't wait to cook on a regular basis again!  Too much eating on the run has left me….not able to run.  Ick.  Bike rides and runs are on the menu, too.  

So what has this past year taught me?  That I am strong.  That I can keep getting up every day and keep going.  That I can't do it all, and something has to give.  That I miss my Bud terribly when I can only see him once a week.  I've learned that I love being in school.  It never gets old.  I've learned that I'll never stop going to school.  Retirement will include attending classes.  I think I've got another Master's degree in me somewhere.  

I've learned that having people around you that encourage you is priceless.  I've learned that there are younger people out there who are serious, study hard, and want to make a difference.  

College isn't the be all and end all for everyone.  But for me, it is.  I can't imagine missing out on it, and how different I would be without that education. I think my world would be a little smaller, somehow.  It gives me a sense of being part of a global community; part of humanity with all the good and bad.  

I'll try to relax this summer.  How about you?

Where has the Time Gone?

Holy cow!  February is almost gone, and we're inching closer to Spring.  I think most of the country agrees with me when I say it can't come soon enough.  I'd much rather have a few blizzards then having snow storms every few days that require frequent use of the shovel every week.  Although it is the only exercise I've been getting lately.  There  is no more room for snow around my house.

School is going fairly well; this semester is going to have much more output for big papers than last semester.  I'm handling my time a little better, but still have to ban myself from seeing Bud whenever I want to  because I have so much homework to do every week.  I'm happy to say I'm going to the ALA (American Library Association) conference at the end of June in Las Vegas, and two of my nieces are going to join me for a weekend of fun.   Discovering where my heart lies in the world of librarianship continues….just goes to show surprises can still happen when you least expect them.

I hate to say I quit the Y because I haven't been since I started school in August.  Shame on me.  I can feel the difference, too.  I am so anxious to get outside and start running again I've become positively twitchy! Hope to get in a few small races this summer.  I have no problem starting over in my running quest.  Slow, steady progress is what I'm after, and the ability to work off some stress (and weight!) in the beautiful outdoors.  

So until this never ending winter finally goes to sleep, here's a reminder of warmth, color, and the scent of spring:

One more thing:  I'm celebrating my 100 followers on my other blog, Bookalicious Babe with a giveaway.  Please check it out and enter to win a book of your choice from my reading lists of 2013 and 2014.  When all else fails, read a book!

Mom has a Beau and My Boyfriend has Banned Carbs…Welcome to 2014

I have no idea what 2014 will bring except for sure more homework and a fair bit of stress with school. 

 So far, it has brought me the news that my mom has met a man at her retirement home who keeps her company and makes her happy.  I must admit I immediately went home and cried my eyes out; it gave me such a pang to think of my Dad.  Don't get me wrong--I am very happy this has happened.  Moving my Mom to a retirement home this past Fall was difficult in ways you can't imagine.  My brother and sisters and I spent a lot of time making this possible and were beyond stressed by all we had to do on top of living our lives and managing things.  We are still working to keep things operating smoothly.  It is tough to do when you can't ask your parent about things because  A) she either won't tell you, or B) doesn't remember.  Fingers crossed things will be better as we go along.

In the meantime, my Mom is eating regularly and getting all her medications at the correct times, which means she is a completely different person--and that  is a good thing.  She's making friends and taking part in what goes on where she lives.  She has an apartment (this is an assisted living place) and seems to have finally become used to being in a new place.  And her beau appears to have given her an opportunity to be more active instead of sitting in her apartment and watching tv.  

My darling Bud has decided he needs to cut carbs out of his life--and of course it's the fun carbs that I like--pasta, potatoes, and bread.  Boo.  I'm working on making sure I do what I can to help him along when he eats supper at my house.  I've been trying to get him on the quinoa train and so far he hasn't seemed impressed with this high protein stuff.  Thanks to Iowa Girl Eats and other food blogs, I've got a few recipes to try that sound incredibly tasty.  Meanwhile, I still eat pasta when he's not around :).

I can't wait to get out and start running again!  This cold weather and snow makes it seem light years away; let's hope for an early Spring.  What are you doing to make it through the winter?  Any good recipes for soups to share?  And quinoa--how often do you eat it?  

One Semester Down, Three To Go!

I handed in my computer final last night and that is that.  That class was a struggle for me, and while I am not happy with my performance and lack of understanding, I am glad I used my "marathon" memories to power through it.  It certainly felt like a very very long run.  Still waiting on grades, but I have to be happy with knowing I did my best.  The problem with grad school is that you know you're smart enough to get in, and you don't like not feeling so smart when you have trouble in class.  It shakes your self confidence, especially when you've been pretty confident in the rest of your life.

This is my first night since August where I don't have to think about homework.  It will take me a few weeks to decompress, just in time to start again in January.  As always, I've learned a lot about myself and hope to use those lessons to be better next semester.  For one, I neglected to realize I don't have a place to study at home.  I will be taking my spare bedroom and turning it into a study room, complete with desk, chair, and good smelly candles.  Sitting on my couch and using the coffee table has just about driven me mad!  This is one of the few bad things about having a small house.  No kitchen table.
I need to create a space that is conducive to studying and learning.

I also missed running terribly these past few months.  I simply didn't have time to work out at all.  My schedule for next semester will hopefully be a bit easier (only have to travel to campus once a week) and enable me to get back into the gym.  I also learned the hard way that I need to spend more time with Bud for my mental health.  I got a bit depressed not seeing him much at all; sometimes not for a week at a time.  When you love someone, you want to be with them, and Bud's faith in my school plan needs to be reinforced sometimes with him being here with me !  So we're working on that.

It's been a semester of playing catch up and trying to learn Excel and Powerpoint on the fly.  I'm taking an Excel class in January over the course of two nights to learn a bit about it so I feel better prepared for school.  I've been feeling fairly frustrated over missing opportunities to get some experience in librarianship.  Working full-time leaves little time for extra stuff.  This semester I'm going to take some chances on the temporary opportunities that come up at school to help with projects.  I'm excited to see what's around the corner.

So…I'm relaxing tonight on the couch with a beer and mindless tv.  Retail Christmas hell is in full mode, and bad weather is a 'comin the weekend before Christmas.  Cue the hyper shoppers frantic to finish their shopping.  I'm just looking forward to baking a few breads and making a batch of cookies before Christmas Eve.  And cue the reading marathon I am starting tonight.  I have one month to cram as much reading in as possible.

Everyone have a wonderful Christmas!  What are you looking forward to in 2014?

source:

November. I Made it Through Mid-Terms. Barely.

October was beyond stressful.  It was pretty darn awful, in fact.  I am glad to see it go.  It means I have about 6 weeks of this semester left.  We are down to single digits for remaining classes.  Learning so much and wading through information coming at me left and right.  

I've figured out a few things to help me next semester: make plenty of muffins and easy breakfast items that I can stick in the freezer. Make plenty of meals to stick in the freezer to take to school for lunch.  I'm very fortunate to have a SLIS program that not only has a study/computer/relaxing room for all of us, but a kitchen where we can keep our food and reheat it.  Iowa City is ridiculously expensive and money can be spent pretty quickly eating on the run.  Over Christmas break I'll be making lots of soups, beans and rice, and other easily portable lunches to feed me through the Spring semester.  

Right now I'm figuring out what to take for classes in the Spring.  So many opportunities to try so many things at school it's hard to make a choice!

And I miss my running.  I so miss running.  All the things I need to do to keep me calm and focused aren't happening--meditation, exercise, good, clean eating.  Skipping meals, not drinking enough water, and not getting enough sleep are keeping my energy not so high.  All of this is a big part of adjusting to a major change in my life; a change that takes up a lot of time.  So I'm not that great at being organized yet.  But it will come!  And lucky me, I haven't even had a sniffle, while people around me are all sickies.

What can I say about the coming few months?  On the downhill slope now; but Christmas is coming.  Not too far away, can you believe it?  Without a doubt it will be a small gift giving season for me.  I did find a fantastic little shop in Iowa City yesterday that will keep some of my money.  Can't wait to go back when I have time to pick up a few presents for Christmas.  

Pomegranates are back. Oh, happy days!  And cranberries.  Love them any which way.  I think I may have to make a pomegranate martini sometime this month just to celebrate that glorious fruit.  

My dates with friends are starting to stack up.  I think so far I have three outstanding "when you have time" appointments to meet friends over drinks.  And my dear Bud, what a wonderful man.  He's been so patient and accommodating to my "I can't see you this weekend I have to study" phone calls.  He keeps me going.  Can't wait to spend some quality time with him!  We've already made a date to have a get away weekend in January before school starts again.  I'd be happy just lying in a hotel room watching tv  for the weekend.  

How is your November shaping up?  Fingers crossed the snow holds off until after Christmas!  

An October Chock Full of Stuff: School Is In Full Swing!

I have always loved October, until my sister Patti passed away last October 19th.  Now I don't like it so much.  I can only say I am glad this sad anniversary is on a Saturday, where I'll be at work and hopefully so busy I won't think about it too much.  The first year is always so damn difficult.  My grief is still evident every week, but slowly getting better.  I think this process will be going on for quite some time and I don't see a day yet where I can't think about her without getting teary.  

But life goes on.  Thanks to Patti, I decided to go back to school. And through miracles of timing and help from above, I got in and started school in September.  I talk to Patti all the time, and I said recently:  "Ok, you helped me get in, now help me get through it!"  I figure I'll ask help from anyone to keep me motivated and moving forward--family and friends are a big help.

September was such a big month of change.  I felt a bit out of place the first few weeks of school, and overwhelmed.  But I quickly realized that my fellow SLIS (School of Library and Information Science) students all felt the same way, too.  And my age really doesn't matter.  I also realized just how much I had missed being in the academic world.  I really do like to be in school.  It is such a change from my day to day life as a manager in a bookstore.  Night and day.  And while the stress from working full-time and going to school full-time is a daily test of my resolve, I can say I love arriving at school and being in a different world for a day.  I don't have anyone asking me where a book is, how to set a display, or deal with customers.  It's only for 2 days a week, but it's a needed mental break from that side of my life.  And when I'm at work, I can't think about school.  It requires my manager hat and simply getting things done and serving customers.  

One of my professors said yesterday that October is the month where students have to cope with an enormous amount of work for the program.  Looking at what's due each week, I can agree wholeheartedly.  Just a few things I have to do this month:  attend a conference (and write a paper), present a book report, give a 1 hour presentation, a mid-term, weekly computer homework assignments, reading a book each week for class, keep up a reading journal, interview a librarian (and write a paper), work on an information page about music therapy with my librarian mentor, visit a library 3 times, gather information, and write a paper, and weekly article readings due for discussion in class.  I don't think that's all, but it's enough. 

I have begun to carry my planner around with me so I can schedule things in the few free moments I have available.  At work, I have a book talk next week for my friends at a local retirement facility, a book talk for local librarians in a few weeks,  and at the end of the month, setting the store for Christmas.  Yep.  Christmas.  

I can only hope all this stress decreases my appetite!  I haven't exercised since I started school, which sucks.  Sleep has been very sketchy, so getting up even earlier in the morning to workout before school or work just doesn't compete with trying to sleep another hour.  I've kept up my gym membership, so I hope to get back into my pump class soon.  Some things have to fall to the side, and this is one of them.  Housework is another.  Making pumpkin and banana bread is another.  

How is your October shaping up?  What do you do to cope with stress?

Spending the Day With Bud and Friends--and Holy Crap! Lots of Food

My first weekend off in a loooong time.  Working and going to school 7 days a week made me forget what it's like to have a whole day where I don't have to do either one!  Except homework, laundry, dishes, and de-trashing the house I've ignored since school started.

Bud and I went to our first ever college football game yesterday, complete with early morning tailgating with our friends Kelly and Jon.  Jon tailgates for every home Iowa Hawkeye game, and he's a dedicated fan of the Hawks.  And since I am officially a "hawkeye" for the next 2 years, I figured Bud and I needed to see a game.  

Yesterday's weather was absolutely perfect.  It was a bit chilly at 6 AM, but it warmed up enough that we both managed to get sunburns on the side of our faces that faced the sun whilst watching the game.  I also have raccoon eyes, thanks to my sun glasses.  So attractive.  

Bud, me, Kelly & Jon
yes, Jon & I are drinking whiskey at 9 AM

Our tailgate was fantastic.  Yes, I did drink beer at 8 AM.  It tasted pretty darn good, too.  I made guacamole, pumpkin bread, chocolate/apple/caramel bark, and brown-sugar bacon.  I made 3 pounds of bacon and it was all gone.  It was pretty awesome--and I put in cayenne pepper to give it a slow burn.  Sticky, hot, and bacony goodness.  I was also up at 4 AM to make it, too.  

Jon made breakfast burritos (hence the guacamole) and nearby tailgaters brought apple crisp, fresh fruit, and cinnamon rolls.  It was all so damn good I ate too much.  And the game was fun, too.  I immediately went hoarse from yelling within the first five minutes.  I am that way at sporting events. It is embarrassing for those with me.  

People rent out their front yards for tailgating

We had so much fun, it made getting up at 4 AM worth it.  Good food, good people, and good times.  And most importantly, Bud and I got to spend the whole day together!

Bud took this panoramic view of our little tailgate community

We won!  Boy, did we win!

If only I knew I was getting a lovely sunburn!

I Am Doggie Paddling As Fast As I Can!

So....I continue to adjust to the work/school week.  Not having any time to think is making the time go fast--in a blink of an eye it's Thursday night and the week is (mostly) over.  

School is getting thicker.  That's the only way I can describe it.  I have been strongly (yet in a totally friendly, enthusiastic way) advised to attend another librarian convention in October.  I talked it over with my Bud and a friend of mine, and they both say "you'd better go!".  So, pencil that into my schedule.  That's two conferences in October--both within 10 days of each other.  

I am finding myself taking bits of time here and there to quickly try and get some homework reading done; plan my days, and think about upcoming assignments.  I am learning PowerPoint this Saturday on the fly from my sister--who says "I looooove PowerPoint!  It's so easy!"  I hope she's right.  I have my first big presentation next Thursday for class and I'm doing it on PowerPoint.  I feel like I should be flying a flag from my truck antenna that says "flying by the seat of my pants"  That truly is how I feel.  Really wishing I had a blow up ring around my middle to keep me afloat.

One thing I really really miss is working out.  I simply haven't been able to do it since I started  school.  40 hrs of work + 8 hrs of classroom time + 10 hrs of homework a week don't leave me with much wiggle room.  Right now I feel that getting sleep is more important.  Getting up earlier in the morning to do homework before work means I am ready for bed by 9 PM.  

School is much more time consuming than I predicted.  As I said in my last post, graduate school is so much more different than undergraduate school that you have to go through it to get it.  When I say "I don't have time to do that/for that" I really mean I have no time.  Just ask the unfolded clothes in baskets and the dirty clothes hamper; the sink full of dishes and the meals that I haven't made all week.  

I am not complaining.  I do not regret even for one nano-second going back to school.  It is hard.  It is time consuming.  It is tiring.  But I will get through it, one week at a time.  Me and my vitamins!  How do you cope with added responsibilities?  

1st Week of School is Done: A Few Things I've Learned Already

This is the first capitol building in Iowa.  It is smack dab in the center of campus.  It is also the crowning glory of a very large, steep hill that you can't escape when you are going to school at the University of Iowa.  You can jog, skate, bike, walk, or take a bus, but up that hill you will go.  There is no way around it if you need to get from point A to point B and they are on either side of this sharply inclined pain in the ass.  But there is a lovely view while you move up and over that hill.

On top of the hill are all the cool shops, great food places, and the ped-mall.  It's where everyone goes when they don't want to stay in the library to study or  be in class.  It's always busy.  I've walked up and down that hill numerous times this week, and my legs are still shrieking.  


Here are a few things I've learned already.  At this rate, by the time I'm done in 2 years, I will have so much knowledge I may want to rule a small country:

*I do not look like a student.  This is good in many ways.  No one bothers me while I'm moving from point A to point B.

*The shorts young ladies wear these days are just too damn short.  Yeast infections must run rampant around here.

*Librarians are not what you think.  I believe I am riding the "cusp" of this new, crazy, information guru librarian wave.  Forget card catalogs, and instead think computer savvy, class teaching, information-culler and program-forming source of all knowledge.  That is what a librarian is today.  Oh.  There are also a gazillion different types of librarians.  I have yet to meet one who has the same title as another.  They work everywhere!  

*Iowa has the most public libraries of any state in the United States.  Sweet.

*I am too old to go to 2 classes twice a week and work full time to come home and have a cocktail.  These are firmly placed on the Friday/Saturday night dinner menu for the next few months.  No drinkee for Susie.  At least not during the week.  

*Graduate school is hands down so beyond different than undergraduate school.  All I can say is it involves projects for class, lots of reading articles, and always, always, looking at ways to connect with others in your field.  So far I will be attending a conference (and writing a paper on it), interviewing a librarian, job shadowing a librarian this semester, giving a book talk, leading a class discussion (a whole hour and 20 minutes--power point may be used--did I tell you I don't know power point?) keeping a reading journal, reading one book a week from several different genres, learning to write computer code, and having group projects in class, too.  This is just the tip of the ice berg.  I also have to write a 20 page paper and a 7 page paper.  And I think a 3-5 page paper, too. 

*There aren't enough calendars to keep track of all this stuff.  I am deathly afraid I will miss some crucial due date.  I would like a personal assistant to tell me what my day will require every morning while serving me coffee and a chocolate filled croissant.  

****All I can keep saying to myself is have faith.  This is a marathon and I will remember to hydrate, snack to keep up my energy, and take rest breaks when needed.  But I will get through it and learn a lot in the process.  Have faith is my mantra.

I am now off to bed, so I can let my brain rest.  

**One more thing.  All this new learning stuff is making my brain have some crazy ass dreams at night, populated with people I've never seen and colors that would rival Oz.

A Few Things I'm Grateful For....Saturday Edition

It has been forever since I posted anything about gratitude, so here's my musings on some things that I am grateful for in my life--big and small:

Blueberries  I cannot get enough of blueberries.  I eat so many that my dentist asks me every time I visit if I'm still eating frozen blueberries.  Luckily I've managed to snag lots of fresh berries this summer.  I love them in smoothies, in oatmeal, and just by themselves.  Yum.

Wendy's Chocolate Frosty  I adore these.  Chocolatey malty goodness that is a sweet treat on a hot day (and we're in a heat wave here in Iowa right now!)

Templeton Rye Whiskey This is an Iowa product and I can't tell you enough how it has changed my view of whiskey.  Bud and I enjoy it over ice.  It makes me feel like I have finally grown up and is a perfect small treat after a long week.  Click on the link to visit their website.  At first extremely hard to find, its growing popularity has made it more available in places outside of Iowa.  My brother even found it in New Mexico!

Mac Book Air  Honestly, I'm not a huge laptop fan.  I prefer my desktop. But, with school starting, I can't carry that around to class.  My Mac Book Air is sleek, light, and thankfully I had no problem adjusting to this little gem.  It will become my new bestie while I'm at school.  And I've got a lovely red cover to protect it.  

And finally, I am grateful for the support I've received from family and friends on my return to school.  Bud has been beyond wonderful and knows he will hear everything about every class every week.  And the people at school?  I've had nothing but positive experiences--everyone is helpful and easy to talk to about the smallest of worries.  I can't tell you how much I missed the world of academia and how good it feels to be back in it again.  I guess I'm a school nerd.  And this probably won't be my last time going to school.  I'm already planning what degree I will earn after I retire and can go to school just for the heck of it :)

See, They Knew I Was Coming To College

School is a mere 3 weeks away, and the butterflies are definitely starting to appear.  I have my books, my book bag, and my school ID.  I am thankful it doesn't look like my driver's license, which portrays me as a bitter old woman who recently held up a liquor store.  At least school lets you smile for your picture!

Yesterday it was announced that: University of Iowa is Number One Party School .  They must have known I was going to be a grad student this Fall.  I suspect all my drinking will be done at home, and not in the bars around downtown Iowa City.  After all, I do need to drive 20 miles home.  I will cherish Friday and Saturday nights when I am done working and done with school for the week and can have a friendly cocktail with my sweetie in the comfort of my own home.  Lately I've been stuck on the classic cocktail the Old-Fashioned.  Not for sissies--it packs a punch.  There are many variations, but mostly it's just a few ingredients:  bourbon, ice, simple syrup, a bit of water, bitters, an orange slice, and a maraschino cherry.  It will put hair on your chest--or if you've already got a  hairy chest, check out your back.  

I keep getting emails from the SLIS (School of Library and Information Science)--which is great.  Only problem is that I don't really have any idea what some of them are about.  I expect I will soon unlock the secrets to some of these new terms, ideas, and opportunities.  I can't wait to look back on this Fall semester and see how it all panned out.  I think my brain will be undergoing a radical change in a few short months.  

I had dinner with friends last night, and one said to me "How are you going to read for fun with all this going on?"  And my response was "I just will.  I will make time."  Reading every day is a necessity for me, and a stress coping mechanism.  Sometimes (well, mostly every week) I get up an hour early in the morning just so I can read before going to work.  I can't seem to read in bed very much without falling asleep.  And then I think I'm awake and reading, and wondering why the story has changed so dramatically--then I realize I'm actually lying with my eyes closed and making it all up.  I have to say I've impressed myself with those story crafting abilities.  Perhaps I should write a book someday?  After school, of course.  

This time of year, it's all about getting kids ready for school.  I like to think about all the adults who are starting school anew; looking at another career path, finishing that degree that was interrupted all those years ago; making that brave decision to step back into academia even if it's just to take classes and fulfill a long desire to attend school.  We are nervous, excited, and have our school bags, too.  We just have to drive ourselves to school.  We don't have anyone holding our hands and taking our pictures.  It's a bit of a solitary road but I'm a big girl, and I can do it all by myself.  Just make sure there's someone standing at the door on Friday night with a cocktail for me.

Life Changes Are Good Even When They Scare The Bejesus Out of You

So....I am making a big change in my life.  It is a good, positive change.  It is a change that is clearly a move onto a new path, since every sign I've seen along this road has directed me onward in a new direction.  Now all that's left is getting past the "oh shit!" of it all, and embracing that fear, knowing I'll be okay and get through it.  I've had so many times in my life where I thought "I can't possibly do that!" and then I've done it, and wondered why I put up such a fuss.  Fear can do that to you.  It makes you doubt yourself.  

But fear can also be a kick in the pants, and make me angry for being afraid.  Over what?  Not much.  Afraid to fail, afraid I've made a bad choice.  At least I've made a choice, right?  And one that feels concrete, solid, and blessed.

I am starting Graduate school next month.  And continuing to work full-time.  I hope this can be done; it must be done financially.  This whirlwind started in March, and in June I was accepted to school.  I was waaaaay past the February deadline, but somehow a belief in it happening and some help along the way by fantastic people got me in the program.  Passing the GRE was the first step.  Can I just say my brain hurt afterwards?  And I still suck at math.  I wish I didn't.  I feel like there is some secret code to math that I haven't figured out yet, and if only I did, I would be good at it.  

I had wonderful people write me letters of recommendation; I don't know what they said, but whatever it was, it worked.  The School of Library and Information Science at the University of Iowa decided to take a chance on a 46 year old woman and take me into this program.  I haven't been to school in 19 years; last time I wrote a paper, it was on a typewriter.  I went to small colleges; the U of I is huge and requires me parking in a lot, and taking a bus to the library for my classes.  

I don't know how I will come out of this life change.  I expect I will learn some incredible things about life and myself while attending school.  I know it is never too late to try something new.  I have the unwavering support of my main cheerleader, Bud.  He is so happy I'm making a change.  That change will take a few years, so you'll be hearing about it all the time here on my blog.  It has given me a spark in my attitude, my job, and my life.  It has given me a goal to work towards.  My brain will be rattled, shaken, and stirred.  It's time to learn  something new and stretch my thinking muscles.  I didn't realize how bored I was with my life.  And quite frankly, until my sister Patti died last year, I was fairly content.  Not supremely happy, but okay with life.  

But now I know life can be too short, and I have more to do.  

My blog will be changing just a bit, as I will be writing about school, work, and life.  The challenges and surprises along this journey.  The sick feeling in my stomach as I go to school on my first day.  I never did like the first day of school--ever!  How will I balance school and work, and Bud?  And both my blogs?  I don't know.  All I do know is that I will come out the other end.  And I suspect I will have a lot of help along the way.