Tuesday, August 13, 2019

When Motivation Just Isn't There...

How is it that when I'm in the depths of being super busy and stressed, and feeling overwhelmed, I manage to get a lot of stuff ticked off my list? But when I slow down, and have plenty of time, I get super behind because my motivation just collapses? You'd think having less stress and more time would make me feel like I could tick so many things off my to do list. 

Nope. This doesn't work for me, as I'm discovering lately. I have days, even whole weeks, where I don't have any commitments, other than going to work. Weekends evenings are for Bud, but other than that I really don't have to be anywhere or attend any events. At first, this feels great! I get a breather! I don't have to feel rushed all the time. I get to read more. Tackle all those cleaning projects I've gotten behind on and now I've got the time. 

Except I don't do any of those things. I dink around on my computer, watch tv shows I don't really care about, and waste a lot of time. Last weekend I had a whole weekend where I just had one place I had to be, for a few hours. Okay. That left me with a lot of time to mow, clean the house, run some errands, and yes, even have time to dive into my reading list. I ended up just reading most of the weekend. No mowing when I should have, no house cleaning. So on Sunday night, I found myself happy I'd managed to finish 3 books, but still looking at an unmowed yard (which now looks bad thanks to the recent rain!) and a messy house. Frustrated and annoyed at myself for not getting my ass in gear and accomplishing something, anything, over the weekend. Pile the guilt on even more, when I know Bud worked at his projects all weekend. 

I'm still trying to find that middle ground. For so many years, I was so busy. Now not so much. I could make myself busy, seeing friends, going places, creating projects around the house.  But I don't want to be busy just to be busy. Busy should have a purpose. 

I've known for years that too much time is not my friend. In school, too much time to write a paper didn't spark that creativity-it was the hammer time that got the juices flowing, and ideas moving along. That's the fun of NaNoWriMo (you have 30 days to write a 50,000 word novel); you have to consistently work every day to put in the words or you get so far behind it's a bitch to catch up. Having friends over usually makes me clean in a frenzy the day before, even when I know a week ahead of time it's coming up. A deadline for reading a book usually has me dropping everything to meet that deadline. 

I'm in the middle of a motivation slump. How do you keep yourself moving, when sometimes all you want to do is just sit and do nothing? 


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