My Sweetie Makes Me Smile

I love my Bud.  Totally, completely, without any reservation.  I am lucky that  way.  And he tells me every day "I love you more" whenever I say "I love you".  Sappy, sickly sweet; I don't care.  I appreciate all he does, every smile, seeing those darn dimples that got me on our first date.  I am so grateful we found each other, but sad we didn't meet earlier in our lives.  But I'll take the next 40 years or so with him.  

So ladies, please know there are good men out there.  They may be hard to find--usually cause they're working long hours, helping others, and going home to an empty house.  The trick is to bump into them somehow, somewhere.  It's not easy.  So even though Bud and I wish we could have met years before we did, we know we're blessed that we met at all, and appreciate what we have every day.  It's not easy, and communication is always always an issue.  But knowing neither one of us is going anywhere keeps us firmly together.  A healthy relationship isn't all bliss and wonderful times spent attached at the hip.  A healthy relationship involves passionate discussions, saying "I messed up and I'm sorry", and spending time doing things without the other.  

But--in this picture, Bud and I did something together:  a zip line in Las Vegas on Fremont Street.  Needless to say, I was terrified, Bud was all casual and not even a tiny bit apprehensive.  He's that kind of guy.  We did the zip line twice.  This picture is after the first time, when we got to the other side and I was flush with the fact that I survived the trip.  I expect we'll be doing more of these things in the future, and I hope we have lots of pictures to remember each terrifying, thrilling moment.

I Want To Live In This Colorful World!

Ok, Jill Badonsky.  I have held your Awe-manac  in my hands many times over the past year.  I have contemplated buying it, but clearly my creative self was stuffed down a toilet and didn't respond to your cheerful, color infused pages full of info and ways to kick start my year--day by day.

So instead you've brought out the big guns:  The Muse is In: An Owners Manual for Your Creativity.  It's filled with all sorts of ways to jump start your creativity and jump over those barriers of fear, self-doubt, and just plain laziness.

I'm in.  I'm buying it tomorrow.  I can't help it.  Things are being put in my path to keep me moving along, so I won't ignore this one.

You, lucky reader, will be the recipient of my creative outflow.  I'd say  creative vomit, but it wouldn't be very appealing.  But I'm pretty sure that's what it will feel like.

I don't know how my creativity will grow--art?  writing?  photography?  a better blog?  It would be great if it was all of the above.  And if I could make millions off of it  this year.  Then I could be creative off in some island home surrounded by a lovely beach and palm trees.

But I digress.

So.  Creativity 101.  I'm here, with sharpened pencils, a blank notebook, and a pathetically nervous smile on my face.

Wish me luck.

Workin' On That Inner Stuff/Junk/Goop

I had a very interesting 90 minute "spiritual reading" last week at a local center that provides some amazing "new agey" services to our community.  I love this place.  It is tranquil, loving, and always smells good.  And the staff is wonderful.  The results of my reading have kept me thinking about it for days, and set me on a path towards opening up parts of my life that are horribly blocked and under-utilized.  My creativity, expressive power, and journey to embracing my gifts has been at an all-time low, but I've got that kick in the pants I needed and it has energized me with all the possibilities that will come my way if I just work at it.

So I'm working at it.  I'm continuing my meditations--which I love!  I am looking at ways to be creative--even a little bit--every day.  Small steps towards bigger things.  And I've become very aware of what is blocking my progress, and working on eliminating those blocks and replacing them with my own personal power.  

It may sound hokey to some, but to me it's amazing.  If only we could all be at our absolute best, the world would be even more of an amazing place.  I'm spending this year working on my inner self.  And as that opens up and improves, the physical self will follow.  

Here are some of the tools I'm using to help me along the way:

Brene' Brown has been recommended by two friends of mine.  She also has many videos on YouTube that I'll be looking into soon.  I bought The Gifts of Imperfection last September for my sister Patti and I to read and discuss together.  Sadly, that didn't happen.  I have Patti's copy on my nightstand and a pen already underlining key phrases in the book.  I am going to give my other copy to someone I think needs it, as well.  Needless to say, she is very much in my thoughts as I read this book.  I've only read a chapter, but it's already resonating with me very much and I can't help but think this would have made an impact on Patti's feelings about herself.

And for the creative part:  Zentangle.  My friend C-Joy  first mentioned this to me many months ago, and I decided that Bud needed to make this a Christmas present.  My Bud loves me--he not only bought me the book I requested, but got me a sketch pad, colored pencils, and the good 'ol #2 pencils you need for this exploration of "tangling".  

I've only just started this last night, so we'll see how it goes.  From the looks of my first attempt, I have ample opportunity to improve!

What are you doing that's new in 2013?  

Ok...Tomorrow is Gym Day. Seriously. I Mean It.

I freely acknowledge that if I worked out during the month of December I wouldn't have the lack of energy that only a blood transfusion would fix.  Besides work, the running around to shop (which I absolutely hate to do after working in retail all day) for presents, decorating the house, and trying to make something with chocolate for treats  just poops me out.  So the one thing that quickly falls to the wayside (besides my beloved reading) is working out.  

I just don't wanna go to the gym at the butt crack of dawn.  And since it's dark when I leave work, I don't wanna then, either.  The super cold weather may have something to do with it, too.  And miraculously, I sleep better in the colder months that I do when it's warmer outside.  I get my sleep when I can take it.

So I don't.  Darkness=home Light=Gym.  Since I am only outside  between home and work when it's dark, that means no gym for me.  Amazing how I came up with that excuse!

Now we are in Post-Christmas Clean-up at the store; people are back to school and work, and I am not frantically running around looking for chocolate and coffee to inhale.  

I have no excuse not to hit the gym.  I don't wanna isn't good enough.

Plus--oh shit--I have a half-marathon in May.  I haven't run in months.  Oh shit.

And--I have committed to running a 5K in April with my sister, my niece, and apparently gobs of other people, where we are doused in colors as we run, so we look like modern art on two feet.  

Oh shit.  

I'm putting my work out goal at 3 times a week.  Not enough, I know, but enough to feel like I am giving it a go, and enough to have some sore muscles.  Start the road to running!  I don't want to be the weenie that comes in last.  And lunges, oh, those love to hate lunges.  I will do them with the full knowledge that I will never have legs that will be able to lunge repeatedly without major burn. Lunges are fun that way.

So please, gym people.  Make sure there is a treadmill open for me tomorrow morning.  I promise I will get on it and start running...until I take a walk break 2 minutes later.  

Progress is made in teeny tiny steps, my friends.  Sweating means you're doing it right.

A Resolution To Not Have A Resolution

For the first time in ages, I did not put down firm resolutions on a new year list.  And that's a good thing, cause I would have broken them all in the past few days.  Eating badly, no exercise, and booze.  Did it all.  Yep.  

I re-read my last blog post, and I am still going to keep my goals of running that half marathon in May, trying out my juicer, and reading.  Those are a given and aren't resolutions since they are things I planned on doing anyway.  I am a person who must have some structure to my life.  None at all leads to laziness and a "meh" attitude.

No resolutions is very freeing and leaves the whole year wide open to endless possibilities and many forks in the 2013 road.  That means blogging when I have sudden inspiration, reading whatever and whenever I want--and even sometimes not reading much at all.  It means taking courageous leaps (aka "aw fuck it!" moments) and listening to my inner voice more often and letting the outside noise fade away.  It means pushing just a wee bit harder when I don't want to, and hearing my sister say "Don't be such a puss" in my ear when I'm in doubt of leaping into the unknown:  I heard it this past weekend when I was standing at the start of a very high zip line, ready to be launched out over a crowd of people.  I felt the fear and did it anyway, conscious of Patti's voice in my head.  She will keep me on that path of courage mixed with a bit of common sense.  

2013 started out with me standing on the Las Vegas Strip watching fireworks go off all around me and kissing my sweetie to ring in the new year.   A year ago I never would have dreamed that was even something I would do in my life.  How much can change in a year!  And I've learned that lesson over and over in 2012, so 2013 is my year of not planning and letting things happen--the good, the sad, the bad, the spectacular, the ho-hum, the everyday, the magical.