So....I am making a big change in my life. It is a good, positive change. It is a change that is clearly a move onto a new path, since every sign I've seen along this road has directed me onward in a new direction. Now all that's left is getting past the "oh shit!" of it all, and embracing that fear, knowing I'll be okay and get through it. I've had so many times in my life where I thought "I can't possibly do that!" and then I've done it, and wondered why I put up such a fuss. Fear can do that to you. It makes you doubt yourself.
But fear can also be a kick in the pants, and make me angry for being afraid. Over what? Not much. Afraid to fail, afraid I've made a bad choice. At least I've made a choice, right? And one that feels concrete, solid, and blessed.
I am starting Graduate school next month. And continuing to work full-time. I hope this can be done; it must be done financially. This whirlwind started in March, and in June I was accepted to school. I was waaaaay past the February deadline, but somehow a belief in it happening and some help along the way by fantastic people got me in the program. Passing the GRE was the first step. Can I just say my brain hurt afterwards? And I still suck at math. I wish I didn't. I feel like there is some secret code to math that I haven't figured out yet, and if only I did, I would be good at it.
I had wonderful people write me letters of recommendation; I don't know what they said, but whatever it was, it worked. The School of Library and Information Science at the University of Iowa decided to take a chance on a 46 year old woman and take me into this program. I haven't been to school in 19 years; last time I wrote a paper, it was on a typewriter. I went to small colleges; the U of I is huge and requires me parking in a lot, and taking a bus to the library for my classes.
I don't know how I will come out of this life change. I expect I will learn some incredible things about life and myself while attending school. I know it is never too late to try something new. I have the unwavering support of my main cheerleader, Bud. He is so happy I'm making a change. That change will take a few years, so you'll be hearing about it all the time here on my blog. It has given me a spark in my attitude, my job, and my life. It has given me a goal to work towards. My brain will be rattled, shaken, and stirred. It's time to learn something new and stretch my thinking muscles. I didn't realize how bored I was with my life. And quite frankly, until my sister Patti died last year, I was fairly content. Not supremely happy, but okay with life.
But now I know life can be too short, and I have more to do.
My blog will be changing just a bit, as I will be writing about school, work, and life. The challenges and surprises along this journey. The sick feeling in my stomach as I go to school on my first day. I never did like the first day of school--ever! How will I balance school and work, and Bud? And both my blogs? I don't know. All I do know is that I will come out the other end. And I suspect I will have a lot of help along the way.