It is hard for me to look at myself in the mirror anymore. My legs are so heavy and gross looking that it shocks me to think they are my legs. I always had "chicken legs" and never gave a thought to wearing shorts. Now I don't want to wear shorts. I am in denial. I don't know how my legs got so fat--but I'm guessing that a metabolism that has come to a complete halt is part of the problem. And I don't exercise regularly, that's for sure. It's got me starting to look at everyone's legs, no matter how old they are, to compare mine to theirs.
I think of how many miles I would have to run to slim down my legs; how many pump classes I have to take each week to build that muscle and burn that fat. It's depressing.
I have shorts from last year, but they don't fit. They're about 4 pounds off the mark for me to wear them. I can sit at home and ponder this for days, but the only solution is to get off my ass and work harder than I ever have to carve away at those fat legs. I understand women are too hard on themselves and how they look. I get that. I can be like that, too. But I don't think I'm being too hard on myself this time. I wasn't hard enough before when I should have been seeing the signs of inactivity, eating too much, and aging.
I have taken a step that is guaranteed to make me feel like a complete wimp, crabby, and teary: an 8 week course through the YMCA that is similar to Cross-fit. It meets 3 times a week from 5:45 AM to 6:30 AM outside. We'll be tossing tires, working with ropes, kettle bells, and all sorts of other painful methods of exercise. I've already paid, so I'm locked into this adventure. It starts June 10th. I am excited to challenge myself--and maybe this will be the thing that helps me see results and sets me on a path to better health.
So, I still want bars in dressing rooms. I only think that is fair. And fix the damn lighting, will ya? I have never looked so old and washed out in my life!
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