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Sunday, February 17, 2013

Quite Frankly, I'm Kinda Scared I'll Fail, Dammit

One of my big issues all my life is not finishing things.  I remember being in Blue Birds as a kid and not being able to finish any of the crafts.  I have thought about this for years, and I think it's a combination of A) Being afraid what I make or do will not be good enough, and B) My attention span will not allow me to see things through.  

It is one of my biggest frustrations.  I thought that telling Bud about what I would like to accomplish would spur me on, since he's such a tough cookie about doing things.  He always keeps moving and finishing stuff and won't make any excuses.  He sees things through. 

Well that worked for about a year, and now he knows me well enough that he doesn't believe me if I tell him about my grand plans.  He's a big believer in me--there's no doubt he thinks I can do anything.  But, he knows me and knows I will not finish things.  This is perfectly reflected in my inability to read just one book at a time.  I can't do it.  I have to have multiple books always moving through my reading week.  It's also reflected in my inability to stick to a healthy eating lifestyle.  The negative voice in my head is so natural it's set up permanent shop and decorated with lava lamps and furry rugs.  It's in no hurry to leave.  It's probably also eating ho-ho's and lounging on the couch.

So here is my challenge to myself:  stop the negative crap talk in my head.  It is such a giant brick wall that it will take perseverance and determination to break it down.  This half-marathon I'm going to do in May is a prime example.  I've done them before and had great results, and horrible results.  I want this one to be fun and feel good the whole way through.  I want to prove to myself and others that women in their 40's are still athletes and tough cookies.  I want to eat good things and not cave into those intense after-run cravings for pizza and coke.  I don't want to have to take imodium every time I have a long distance to run each week.  Now this last part may be beyond my control, but with some tweaking in my diet I can only imagine it will be better.  My cooking challenge this year will certainly be finding tasty ways to eat good foods and making sure I have a healthy lunch for work.  I can't eat the same meal every day for lunch--that's a sure way to drive me into the arms of fast food.  Today I'm making a hearty chili that I can freeze and also eat for some lunches this week:Chicken and Barley Chili.  We've got a potential big snow storm on the horizon for Thursday and Friday, so this sounds really good this week!  Of course that potential storm will also be screwing my work out schedule big time if it does arrive.  I'll just take one day at a time, thank you.  

If you've got any good suggestions for gagging that negative voice in my head, I'd love to hear them!  It's an on-going battle, and I want to win!


3 comments:

  1. Every time something negative pops into your head, take a deep breath and just say I can do this, I can do this, I can do this.
    I used to have to take deep breaths and say that everything was OK and it wasn't a big deal when I got so mad at every little thing. It worked.

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  2. I hear you on the healthy lunches thing. I try to cook on the weekend, but it never lasts until friday. I really make it a point not to listen to myself if it's negative. Mostly, I just tell myself what I need to hear, and not just that I can do something, but that I'm going to do it. That seems to work for me. :)

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  3. Try a rubber band on your wrist -every time you have a negative thought, snap it. A little tough Pavlov, if you will! Also, check out March issue of Oxygen Mag. There is an article about taming guts while working out :)

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